Good Advice
Relationships advice is a strange beast. Everyone, it seems, is an expert.
Being of the single persuasion myself and having longed to find that special someone, I've spent time in the past blistering the ears of very patient friends with my impatience at Cupid's inability to sight me. In being true friends and wanting to see me happy, they have given me advice.
The thing is, the advice never seems to dull that ache.
And what I've realised is perhaps, I'm not seeking advice, just the warmth of knowing I'm loved by my friends.
As I said, relationships advice is a strange beast and it comes in two colours.
Colour me desperate. If you stop looking for it, don't want it, weren't so desperate for it, loved yourself more, happy in your life, it will come. Or variations ad infinitem.
Colour me go getter. If you want it, go and get it, or seek and ye shall find, or it's not going to happen with you alone in your living room. etc, etc.
I suspect the colour probably depends on the personality of the advice giver. Or their mood at the time.
What I've realised is the thought is to comfort, and not often in the words, because unintentionally, this form of advice rarely makes the recipient feel better. It just sort of trips off the tongue and there it is. It's simple and seems like one of life's trueism - and yes it probably is.
I'm guilty of giving this form of advice.
Recently a friend and her husband concieved after many years of trying. It was the culmination of a tiring and very emotionally loaded journey. During this journey they discovered that assistance was required. Being a good friend and having listened to her concerns I offered up a little gem. "Maybe if you took a holiday and relaxed, something might happen." As it turned out, my friend was being given that sort of advice by other well meaning people and it made her feel like shit, because the assistance required was of the expensive medical sort and good vibes in the ether were just not enough.
Knowing how relationships advice feels like a slap in the face, I should've known better.
But I did learn.
Now I try desperately not to give advice. I'm learning to be a good listener and be a better friend by showing I care. I might not be able to appreciate the experience, but I can sympathise. And hopefully that's enough.
Being of the single persuasion myself and having longed to find that special someone, I've spent time in the past blistering the ears of very patient friends with my impatience at Cupid's inability to sight me. In being true friends and wanting to see me happy, they have given me advice.
The thing is, the advice never seems to dull that ache.
And what I've realised is perhaps, I'm not seeking advice, just the warmth of knowing I'm loved by my friends.
As I said, relationships advice is a strange beast and it comes in two colours.
Colour me desperate. If you stop looking for it, don't want it, weren't so desperate for it, loved yourself more, happy in your life, it will come. Or variations ad infinitem.
Colour me go getter. If you want it, go and get it, or seek and ye shall find, or it's not going to happen with you alone in your living room. etc, etc.
I suspect the colour probably depends on the personality of the advice giver. Or their mood at the time.
What I've realised is the thought is to comfort, and not often in the words, because unintentionally, this form of advice rarely makes the recipient feel better. It just sort of trips off the tongue and there it is. It's simple and seems like one of life's trueism - and yes it probably is.
I'm guilty of giving this form of advice.
Recently a friend and her husband concieved after many years of trying. It was the culmination of a tiring and very emotionally loaded journey. During this journey they discovered that assistance was required. Being a good friend and having listened to her concerns I offered up a little gem. "Maybe if you took a holiday and relaxed, something might happen." As it turned out, my friend was being given that sort of advice by other well meaning people and it made her feel like shit, because the assistance required was of the expensive medical sort and good vibes in the ether were just not enough.
Knowing how relationships advice feels like a slap in the face, I should've known better.
But I did learn.
Now I try desperately not to give advice. I'm learning to be a good listener and be a better friend by showing I care. I might not be able to appreciate the experience, but I can sympathise. And hopefully that's enough.
posted by Van Dino at 7:17 pm
1 Comments:
Ah yes VanD, the classic "Just relax" - it's a red rag to a bull for the infertile!
Post a Comment
<< Home